Toe-may-toe, Toe-mah-toe...Breasts, Ribs

I have a long-seated hesitancy in telling our boys proper names for certain body parts. (The private ones if that wasn't obvious).

It is irrational. It is immature. It is something I need to get over, I know.

I'm trying to overcome that by easing into it. Having a new baby has allowed me some opportunities are you kidding me, I have nothing sacred left to hide to step out of my comfort zone. In those first days of healing, especially, nothing remained covered up. Airing out my incision, changing pads, my catheter bag...they witnessed it all.

"BREASTfeeding," in particular, was one of my first hurdles to clear. Believe me, I was tempted to call it "nursing" or "suckling" and be done with it. But then I felt like a Puritan or a pig farmer and everyone knows Asian girls look funny in curly wigs and those accordion neck collars aren't practical in this Texas heat anyway.

So, I stepped out with breastfeeding. The two words used together posed no threat to my conservative soul. It was the BREAST part that I didn't want to explain or hear the boys using. Noah has, for some reason, taken to calling them "paddies" over the last year. I have no idea why, only that I never bothered to correct him. I mean, come 25 years old, yeah, I'll correct him. Who wants a married man calling them paddies, after all?

Unless his wife is named Patty. Then it would be fine to call them "Patty's."

I do want to mention that the boys also call nipples "nickels." Which we've never corrected either. But mostly because we think it's cute.

Our boys are going to be confused come sex ed or anatomy class.

It turns out saying "BREASTfeeding" and calling them "BREASTS" wasn't difficult once I said those words for the first few times. And it was all working out well and good and I felt like I'd finally laid aside the accordion collar and joined the 21st century.

Until Tyler walked into the kitchen today and announced that his breasts were hurting.

Confused, we looked down to see him pointing at the base of his ribs. Nowhere near his "breasts."

Back to square one.

And the 17th century.