What Are We Thinking, FAA?

You know what's unnerving?

Boarding a plane in Johannesburg and hearing that we are delayed because someone checked their luggage but didn't board the plane.

Thankfully, they removed the person's luggage, but that got my nerves all in a stitch and I began to people watch.

It is so odd to me that airports sell alcohol and lighters in the terminal.

Because flammable liquids and flame throwers just scream, "Winning combination for safe travel!"

So, when two men boarded the plane with large bags of alcohol they'd just purchased in the duty free store, you can bet the Jack Bauer in me came out and I watched them like a hawk.

Until I gave in to sweet slumber about two hours into the 18 hour or so flight, but that's beside the point. I'm pregnant.

I'm not sure what was more reassuring over time...the fact that one of the men was reading a John Grisham novel (and I'm pretty sure that's not the last book a terrorist reads when they're about to meet their 72 virgins) or the fact that he later chose "The Time Traveler's Wife" for his movie selection. Either way, he became less of a terrorist and more of a cuddly little puppy in my mind.

We had a layover in Senegal and some new passengers boarded. My hackles were again raised when a flight attendant announced that two passengers needed to present themselves to a member of the crew because they'd checked in, but didn't board.

The two last names?

No, not Jones and Smith.

Ibrahim and Muhammed.

Sweet Moses, I needed a Xanax by that point.

Now, those names wouldn't concern me in most instances, just when those names happen to be mentioned because they didn't bother to board after they checked their baggage.

So now the Jack Bauer and the Angus MacGyver in me came out.

I don't know why I threw MacGyver's name out, except that he was a crime fighter, too.

And, he didn't like guns. Which was good, because they don't let you bring guns on planes anyway.

But they do let you bring alcohol and lighters on board and I've seen an episode or 80 where MacGyver found a clever way to use those two things to his advantage.

We departed from Senegal a little late, but with no concluding word on what happened with our friends with Muslim-but-that-doesn't-mean-terrorist-maybe-they-were-actually-children's-authors-or-stand-up-comedians-I'm-trying-to-be-PC-but-also-not-live-with-my-head-stuck-where-the-sun-don't-shine-names.

Later, when I got tired again and really just wanted to sleep and not be Jack Bauer or MacGyver anymore, I strolled to the back of the plane, found a flight attendant and casually inquired if they'd located the missing men and she assured me they had.

Clearly, I, Ibrahim, Muhammed and Man Watching The Time Traveler's Wife all arrived at our intended destinations without ending up as breaking news.

And, if there's anything I learned during that 18 hour flight, it was that maybe the FAA allows alcohol on board for a reason. It turns out I sure could've used a couple of swigs from those bottles of wine to help me through my obsessive paranoia the long flight.

Mr. Sandman...Bring Me An Espresso...

There are few things worse than pregnancy fatigue.

Except pregnancy fatigue combined with jet lag.

Oh my word.

Somebody give me an amen.

My teammates in South Africa kept commenting how they couldn't believe how much energy I had for it to be my first trimester. I made it until Thursday before I had to start going to bed before everyone else and, even then, I was able to do VBS the next day and forge through the remaining days until I got on the plane and headed home. Honestly, God sustained me and gave me the supernatural ability to make it through that week as well as I did. There is no other explanation.

Because now...NOW, I AM FEELING THE SLEEP.

At the beginning of the week, I dismissed it as really bad jet lag. I mainly slept the first leg of my flight instead of the second, so it was natural to be tired. But, man, I've been home six days and the reality has set in...

I'm pregnant.

And, dang, I'm tired!

My poor guys probably think I'm still back in South Africa, as I disappear for hours at a time once I lay down. Even when I wake, it takes me an hour or more to fully come alive. I drift in and out of sleep, all the while hearing my boys playing and feeling the need to get up and make their dinner.

And, yet, I guess all the good mothering intentions are not strong enough to battle THE SLEEP because I drift off into slumber again for at least the next 60 or 127 minutes.

Tonight, I decided to reassure my family I was still among the living when I first woke. I didn't have the strength to get up, so I decided to pass on a loving message from bed. I yelled, "I'M AWAKE!"

Twice.

Unfortunately, the speakers and the Wii were turned too high for anyone to acknowledge my attempt to reach out to the living. I thought about adding, "I'M ALIVE!" but then I fell asleep before I could muster up the energy.

Holy cow, come on second trimezzz...trimest...zzz...tri...zzz.....................

Things I Look Forward To

1. The lighting just before the sun sets.

2. When the boys have finally fallen into slumber and no one needs water, a potty trip, bandaids or anything else they can think of.

3. The day my kids invite Jesus into their heart.

4. Christmas decorations going up! And I am one of those that doesn't mind if they go up the day after Halloween.

5. Spring weather.

6. November 2, 2010. If you have to look up what happens on that date, it's as if you don't know me at all. I'll give you a hint. I just got a little blue card in the mail the other day and it was like I won the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

7. Massages.

8. The boys' hugs first thing in the morning and after school. Brian's, too.

9. Brian coming home from work. You mommas know what I mean!

10. Vacations.

11. The moment when all the groceries are finally put away instead of sitting on my floor where I dump them after I walk in from an exhausting trip with two rambunctious boys.

12. The day Brian and I can call Dave Ramsey and yell, "We're debt free!" That will be awhile.

13. Hugging my family when I get off that plane in two days...

That last one is second best of all, just behind #3.