Saddle Up Your Horses, We've Got A Trail To Blaze

Confession time.

I thought an all expenses paid horseback riding, mountain biking vacation mission trip to YoungLife camp in Fraser, CO sounded pretty dang sweet worthwhile. I love to ride horses and wish I could go every week serve others.

All I had to do was swim with some kids in the mountain lake, go mountain biking with them, take them through a ropes course in the mountains and ride some horses through the glorious aspen-filled mountain woods.

(Did I mention I'd be in the mountains? Far away from July in Texas? Oh, the sacrifice to be a servant of the Lord.)

Oh, and I was there to show them some Jesus love, too. Of course. I was going to love them so well, they'd love me and we'd all love Jesus together. It was going to rock.

What I didn't expect was how hard it would be to reach these teenagers like I wanted to. To really get into their hearts and be girlfriends right off the bat. I didn't expect that "Love" would not be at the top of my list of feelings the first couple of days.

I didn't know how hard it would be to break through cliques formed over years of schooling. Suddenly, I had a very real appreciation for every youth worker who ever volunteered their time to be with me. Because teenage attitude = two and a half day headache. Or maybe that was just the altitude sickness, but whatever. Attitude sickness and altitude sickness, same difference. Both lead to headaches.

I didn't know that I would have to initiate nearly every conversation or risk not being heard at all.

What I didn't know was that, even at 31 years old, it still stings when a girl from your cabin hands you her camera so, you know, you could take a group photo. I took a lot of those "group" photos where every member of my cabin was pictured except me.

Remember not being first chosen for dodgeball at recess? I was reminded of that rejected feeling every mealtime when the girls would rush in and make a beeline for my co-counselor's table instead of mine. Which made sense - she'd just graduated and had spent the last year with our girls. She was able to connect with them in a way I could not and I was still thankful at least one of us could. I didn't really mind except that it made it extra challenging to have meaningful conversation and get to know them.

And even though my experience has taught me not to take rejections like those personally, I still was in awe at what came across as a lack of sensitivity and lack of consideration.

A couple days into the trip, I realized there was another counselor facing the same challenge. She is in her late 20's and also struggled to connect with girls half our age. So, we decided that we'd meet every morning to pray and encourage each other. We'd thank God for those girls that did seem to want to spend time with us. There were definitely some of those and I'm thankful. We'd ask God to help us connect with the girls that were harder to reach because it was clear we weren't going to do it on our own abilities. We'd ask God to grow our compassion for them, to help us love them where they were.

And God was faithful.

Because, by night three, I no longer had to struggle to love and want to be around them.

A friend who works with teens had told me that I'd be amazed at how quickly teens let you into their heart and how much you grow to love them.

He was so right.

It's amazing how much one night of open discussion and brokenness revealed can change relationships. It's amazing how much your compassion grows when you see where someone's coming from. We live in an affluent town and, on the outside, many of these kids look like they have it together. They are involved in extracurricular activities and athletics, often at the top of their game. Their hair and nails are all well placed and well manicured. Their clothes are all name brand. Their parents provide financial security and some live in enormous, beautiful homes.

But, behind those ornate doors of their homes, there sometimes lurks a different reality. Stories of broken marriages, kids competing with their siblings, parents who expect near perfection and the usual girl struggles with feeling beautiful or wanted...these poured out during our our nightly cabin talks. And with those stories came real tears. And with those tears, I found compassion.

And, suddenly, it wasn't so hard to love these things called teens.

Day Two of camp, I'd never have guessed I could continue being with these teens beyond the week in Colorado. It really was that frustrating, discouraging and challenging. It was way harder than trying to catch my breath on that dadgum muddy mountain biking trek (horseback riding was sooo much more pleasant and so much easier to breathe through). Those dang attitudes and altitudes.

But, given answered prayers and just doing life together that week, I now find myself agreeing to be their YoungLife counselor this next year of their life. And, while I'm a little overwhelmed with how the time commitment will work out, I'm no longer afraid of whether I'll be able to love these girls.

I am going to do my best to love them well, not because I am some kind of awesome, but because Jesus loves them and me perfectly. And I don't see any need to stop asking Him to grow my compassion and help me love them where they are. He has proven faithful.

It is going to rock.

There Ain't No Way To Hide Your Lyin Eyes

Someone tried to give himself a haircut.
Someone wanted me to believe he didn't cut his own hair. Someone doesn't realize he has a Mommy who asks trick questions.

I first asked if he cut his own hair. To which he naturally replied he hadn't. I then asked if he had used his kid size scissors. Which he admitted he did, before he confirmed again that he didn't cut his own hair. Next, I asked if he did this in the kitchen. He admitted he did, before he again told me he didn't cut his own locks. So, what I got out of him was that he cut his own hair in the kitchen with his scissors.

But, mind you, it wasn't him who cut his hair.

Someone is going to be using lots of hair gel until that gaping hole grows over. But Someone better learn quick that gaping scalp patches can be covered up, while untrue tongues cannot.

In the meantime, thank goodness, for Someone's bottom's sake, that he has some sweet chocolaty colored eyes that seem to get bigger and sweeter when he's apologizing.

Yallo...What If I Gave It All

Every now and then, we have the blessing of meeting people who, as brief as the meeting may be, leave a lasting mark on our hearts.

Yallo David was such a person.

And today I found out the tragic news that Yallo was killed in a bus accident in Tanzania Sunday afternoon. I learned yesterday that no one had heard from him in the 24 hours since the accident and there was an uneasiness about how much time had passed. People all over the world stopped to lift up our friend. I dreamed about Yallo through the night, waking often, and I dreaded getting on the computer this morning. This morning, my inbox held a message from our missions pastor and the first words I saw were, "Yallo is with the Lord."

I met Yallo last October when I returned to South Africa on a mission trip. We partner with an amazing organization there, J-Life Ministries. Yallo was nearing the end of training in the J-Life program and was preparing to return to his home country of Kenya. He would become the J-Life country leader for Kenya, even at such a young age. Just one indication of his leadership abilities and his heart for the Lord.

Having the opportunity to return to J-Life a year after first stepping foot in Africa, I was so looking forward to reuniting with dear friends last fall. I was initially disappointed that not all our treasured friends were at camp when we arrived, but that was quickly diminished by the warm greeting we received from new faces. Yallo was one of those faces. Though I decided to keep my mouth shut when we shared our first meal and he began opining about the upcoming American election, I instantly liked Yallo. We all did. He had an easy smile, a playful manner and we exchanged friendly banter over the next few interactions we shared. One meal, he was dishing out something yummy and I tried to sway him to dish up some extra for me by asking him whether Yallo meant "Wise One" in Swahili. He was fun to joke with. We were only at that camp two days, but he quickly became a treasured friend.

As easy-going a personality as he had, he also possessed a depth of wisdom that few his age have. The last night we were there, J-Life hosted a bbq/braii for us on their farm property. As we headed back to camp along a dark, rocky road, Yallo, another friend and I walked together. Yallo had a flashlight he used to light our way. How fitting, as that walk stands out most out of our short time together. We talked about our lives and how we each came to be there at that moment and he said, "It's just an honor to be part of what He's doing, really. You know? You could be anywhere, doing anything, but He has chosen you to be here."

Reading those words makes me cry today. That was so Yallo. And I believe God spoke through Yallo. I am so humbled by those words.

Upon returning home, we became Facebook friends and exchanged a few messages the last nine months. I considered him my "favorite Kenyan" because he was that cool and also because he was the only Kenyan I knew. I sent him a video link to John Mark McMillan's "How He Loves Us" because it just seemed like a song that would mean something to him. Ironically, McMillan speaks of how he wrote the song in response to a friend who died. His friend had prayed, "Lord, if it would shake the youth of the nation, I'd give my life." Yallo was one of those who gave his life while he lived it. I'm eager to see how God will continue to shake the youth of Kenya through his death.

Yallo thanked me for sending the video and filled me in on what was happening in Kenya. Though he was concerned about raising funds to operate, he wrote, "We are trusting God that we can move on and be all that God is calling us to be." That was Yallo. He was about the business of trusting God.

Yallo's "about me" on FB reads, "Teach, train and live in my generation with a passion for the unknown future."

Teach - Yallo, you taught me how to speak freely about my faith and infuse it into my everyday language. I'm still working on it, but that is what struck me most about you.

Train - You were the J-Life country leader for Kenya. Today, I mourn for Kenya as well. What a leader they have lost. However, I know that, despite your short time on earth, you affected a lot of lives. It's evidenced by the number of people who posted on your FB wall today. You poured yourself out to train others how to grow in the Lord./div>

Live in my generation - Yallo, you would've made an excellent candidate for the One Young World event for which you applied. In your own words, "Have schooled in Town schools, which is want gave me passion for youth, where i schooled, drugs, sex and abusive relationships were the order of the day, so as a result of all those stuff i had to make a choice on what i need to do in life. I decided to fight for the youth, Have seen so much pain sorrow and agony that we as the youth go through." Yallo, you fought valiantly for the youth of Africa.

Passion - Yallo, in the short walk back to camp from the braii, you exuded so much passion, I knew I wanted to be your friend for life. We all long to be the kind of person who lives out their beliefs.

Unknown future - Yallo, because you chose to trust Jesus as Lord of your life, you no longer have an unknown future. You are right there with God, where you will always securely be.

I found a video Yallo posted on his FB page. It's a Ray Boltz video of the song, "What If I Gave It All." I looked up the lyrics today and the words are so fitting with Yallo's obedience in following God..."We cannot close our eyes and turn away when we hear His Spirit call. We see the need. Now let Him hear us say, 'What if I give all? What if I give all?'

Yallo, you gave Him your all.

My friend, Jenn, tagged Yallo in some pics on FB last fall. One of her pictures of Yallo is captioned, "It was hard to say goodbye for us all." The next picture of Yallo continued, "but I'm sure we'll meet again!" Those words hold extra special meaning today.

And though I am heart broken today, I find peace in the knowledge that Yallo and I will again share meals together someday...at the Lord's banquet table. And I know we will again share conversations...along streets of gold. I am so looking forward to reuniting with you, my favorite Kenyan.

Lord, thank you for the gift you gave us in Yallo. Help me to live my life as fully and faithfully as Yallo did. Thank you for putting him in my life as an example. Lord, you are the God of Comfort and I pray that you pour out your peace on Yallo's loved ones, including those who loved him at J-Life. Guide them all in the days ahead.

Point of Grace, Anyone?

Noah loves playing with Brian's Zune and, I kid you not, has put together his own playlist. One of the first things he does every morning is slip in front of the computer and start up his playlist. His set includes music from Dashboard Confessional, Kingdom Kidz, Iron and Wine, Guns N' Roses, LeCrae, The Police, The Wiggles, Michael Jackson and some Aggie Band hits. Quite a mix of genres, I know. And, if he hears a song on the radio and likes it, he makes sure to let Brian know he wants this on "mine CD."

His current favorites are the Black Eyed Peas' Boom Boom Pow and Soulja Boy's Turn My Swagg On. Aside from never guessing I'd be double checking hip hop lyrics online when my son was four, I'm starting to think all this hip hop listening is affecting him in other ways.

You'll have to excuse the floor that clearly needs sweeping due to, oh, I don't know, children and just plain living, but I walked into the kitchen to discover Noah doing this...

Seeing as how we don't watch music videos and he's not seeing these dance moves online, I have no idea where he picked this up. Unless it's just a natural thing to throw yourself on the floor and spin around as a result of listening to hip hop. I think I saw my Dad do this a time or two when I was a rebellious teen listening to Tu Pac and Warren G and he was trying to get me to listen to Point of Grace instead. He doesn't really go for music where the words are indistinguishable or questionable even when they are distinguishable. Or, maybe the internet wasn't in every household back then and he didn't have a way to double check the lyrics that were pouring into his daughter's tender ears.

It's apparent Noah inherited a special place in his heart for music you can dance to. And I don't blame him for that. But now that I've got his tender ears I'm responsible for, I'm desperately trying to figure out how to convince him that Point of Grace has some poppin' beats in their music, too. Maybe "Steady On" is something you'd sleep instead of breakdance to, but I'm pretty sure I won't have to double check lyrics to "Jesus Will Still Be There" and "God Is With Us."

And that might free up my time so I can get back to sweeping.

Then There Were Four

Three years ago tonight, we romped in the pool...

and watched Bambi with the E's.

How do I remember this?

Because at 8:01 the next morning, this special delivery arrived...

And my heart stretched to fit in another little love of my life.

His Daddy was pretty excited to welcome a new little Aggie football watching buddy son.

And his big brother decided he was a keeper, too.

Tyler Daniel, Happy 3rd Birthday! You were named Tyler because, so many years ago, when Daddy and I were at A&M and decided we liked each other and wanted to have a family someday, we thought we would like to have a son named Tyler. You were named Daniel because we pray you will be a man of conviction and prayer just as Daniel of the Bible was. We pray that you will be so firmly rooted in your faith that obedience to God will be the priority of your life.

Lil T, you bring SO MUCH JOY to our family! Before July 24, 2006, I didn't know how I could fit another little love into my heart, but you taught me how God just makes it easy and simply grows the heart. That is one of the most amazing things you've taught me.

You are right at the threshold of boyhood and it's an exciting new venture, but I long to hold onto your baby moments as long as I can. Your cheeks are still so plumply kissable and your little boy chatter keeps us laughing everyday. I watch the way your Daddy delights in your cuteness and I imagine I get that same look each time I take in the sweetness of you. You are talking up a storm these days and I love hearing you learn new words. I do hope, however, your Tyler-isms stick around a bit longer. Because I like the way you say "she is a sweet grirl" when you tell us someone is a sweet girl. And I like your "tank" yous, among many other words.

There is no way to talk about you without mentioning one of my favorite things. You are still a little cuddlebug and give such incredible hugs! At night, when I lean down to hug you and you wrap those arms around my neck, I'm quite content to stay there. And I usually linger as long as I can because those hugs make everything else fade away.

As much as I cherish these "baby" moments, I definitely see the boy in you. You and Noah sat in the kitchen the other day and I overheard him teaching you how to burp. He told you to drink a lot of water first. Lo and behold, you now know how to burp on command. The sweet thing is that you usually say, "excuse me" right after. Even tonight at the pool when you gulped some water and had to burp, you excused yourself before plunging back in.

You are all about the pool and just learned to swim on your own last week. This is quite an accomplishment considering you've never had formal lessons and you've just kind of put it all together on your own. You've been able to hold your breath and stay under water since you were one, but you now know how to kick and move your arms. You are able to swim short distances and come up for air. It amazes us.

You've also been doing an amazing job of potty training the last couple of months. You began wearing undies to school before it ended and I have been impressed with your large bladder and ability to control it. There are still accidents when you tell me, "Mommy, I'm starting to pee," just as you're peeing. But, you've been so easy and eager to train and I am thankful!

I love your habit of collecting things. You've always found comfort in having your little collections with you. When we check on you at night, we never know what we might find in bed with you. It's an assortment of books and toys - dinosaurs, animals, cars and even a golf club some nights! In the morning, you usually toddle your way into our bed for the last few minutes before we wake up. I can hear you coming because I hear your toys tinkering before I hear you. Sometimes you haul them in fistfuls and sometimes you have them in a trick or treat pumpkin or your "emergency bag" (a medical bag that came with medical toys).

You are stubborn and not afraid to speak your mind. Today, I told you a toy you were carrying was named Dr. Spock and you kept insisting, "No, it's not." (Even though you've never watched Star Trek and would have no idea.) Still, you didn't like his name being Dr. Spock so I finally told you his name was Billy and you were satisfied.

You also have some hilarious expressions when you speak. Especially when you lecture. It's scary how much of a mirror you've become because I imagine I use those same expressions when explaining life to you!

God has given you quite an imagination and it'll be fun to see how that plays out in your life. You love to "sword" fight with anything resembling a stick. And, we were passing some ducks the other day and I was so excited to see if we could spot any ducklings. Instead, I began to hear quiet "pyu pyu" sounds coming from your mouth. As I leaned over to see what you were doing, I realized you were making gun sounds and pretending to shoot the ducks.

Yes, you are becoming quite a boy.

And, Tyler, I'm so utterly thankful and humbled that God has given us this front row seat to watch you become quite a man.