I am this ball of nerves.
And I catch myself desperately gripping my pillow with cold, stiff fingers, breaths coming in short pants.
And I pray to remember that God will help me with each minute, each breath...that I can do this.
Because He will go with us.
When I was young and the military moved us across state lines and oceans, into new cultures and countries, I always felt safe because I trusted my parents to take care of me.
Now I am the parent.
And, Lord, I pray my kids feel that same security. Please give me the courage and wisdom to protect them and make them feel safe.
Sometimes...
The soon to be single digit countdown overwhelms me.
Is this really happening? Can we get everything done in time? Is life as we know it really about to end?
This ability to jump in the car and drive a short distance to grab lunch with my mom? Going to a doctor for simple things where I can go anytime? Dropping kids off in the carpool lane? Not falling asleep thinking of how to teach the kids to evade black mambas?
Oh, Lord, when I have these moments when my airway constricts and tears flow, give me courage.
Give me vision to see past the hard part of saying goodbye to people and places we love and are comforted by.
Give me faith to see that there will be times when this can and only will be doable minute to minute and even breath to breath.
Sometimes,
I need to remember that child inside me is not too far gone. I still long for comfort, to know I have a parent in control who is taking care of me, taking care of the details.
Lord, in those moments, let me remember that
When I am weak, You are strong,
Lord, in those moments, let me remember that
When I am weak, You are strong,
That You will go with us,
All times.
Amen.
2 comments:
So beautiful, Jen. Praying for you. Love you heaps. Crying now so I'll stop...,
Jen & Brian, the week has finally come. I have so enjoyed teaching both Noah and Tyler and even though you are going before I would get sweet Anniston, you have superb parenting skills. the boys are such great reflections of all you have taught them and you will be sorely missed. i can not even imagine not having whataburger and taco beuno nearby, but that is nothing like not having a dr nearby, normal things, and worse scary snakes and bugs. but remember what brought you to SA in the first place and that it is so true that HE HAS THE WHOLE WORLD IN HIS HANDS, THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD AND THE LITTLE BITTY BABY...we will pray for you, support you, finance you and know that you will be happy and well. Blessings as you leave the states this week, strength for your own family and the family members you leave behind, and courage to face the wild unknown. i love you and i hope that you have sleepless nights only because of the beauty of the sky and the nights you will know that are so different from McKinney, TX. i am thankful for the internet and facebook and promise to support you in anyway you need. i wish you a great support system there, peace, happiness and health and that you don't miss the states too bad and can connect with your family as often as possible...i love you. donna addison
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