How Rumors Get Started

Yesterday afternoon involved a dead car battery on a busy road, getting rear ended by an angry man who couldn't understand why I was inconveniencing him by not moving a car that wouldn't start...so he decided to give me a little nudge...with his front bumper, calling the police because the guy went a little cray-cray, Tyler wanting to do karate on the "mad face man" for yelling at his mommy, two good Samaritans who sided with me and took the brunt of the man's yelling and even got between Mad Face Man and me in case he really lost it, a jump start, deciding to stop at a neighbor's house to fetch a stray frisbee and a couple of balls, meeting his pet monkeys that screeched at us and tried really hard to horizontally aim their urine at us, having the battery die again in his driveway, noticing that our radiator was leaking like rain, sitting in a locked car with pepper spray in hand as I waited for help and, finally, another jump start.

Which might explain why I was out of it and ready for bed by 7 p.m. last night.

Meanwhile, a friend had to pick Noah up from school when all this excitement was happening to Annie, Tyler and me in another town. She had an errand to run so Noah went with her. Unfortunately, when zoning people or landlords or whomever decides these things got together and made plans, they didn't think, "Bank will go here and bakery/laundromat/Hallmark shop/coffee shop/bookstore, etc. will go here."

Or maybe they did but the person pulling for an adult shop won.

Whatever happened, it is an unfortunate fact that there stands an adult shop near the bank where my friend was going. Despite all her efforts to park anywhere but in front of "Adult World," the best she could find was a spot one row over, but with Adult World still in sight.

Unfortunately, Noah learned to read some time ago. Because he's eight. This, coupled with his darling childhood need to know everything, led him to wonder aloud,

"What is Adult World?"

It's possible my friend would've traded places with me right then if she could've, Mad Face Man, monkey urine and all.

So, my friend, who just wanted to make a quick transaction at the bank, found herself trying to explain to a missionary kid she has known about seven weeks what such a business is all about. In her good judgment, she finally replied simply, "It's just a place for adults."

My son, in all his preciousness, got excited, and said, "Oh, yeah, we've been somewhere like that before!"

Oh my word. What?!

I, in all my embarrassment, tried to figure out who/WHAT/how/WHAT/when/WHAT/where did he get confused?

Hair World?

No.

Disney World?

Never been there with the kids.

Sea World?

Maybe?

All I know is, it's going to be really awesome when we have our parent/teacher meetings next week and Tyler's teacher wants to know what's up with the neighbor's dog eating his frisbee and a monkey trying to pee on him after he almost did karate on a mean man on a busy road because mommy's car wouldn't start and leaks green fluid.  ("Yes, ma'am, that really did all happen in a two hour span.
And, yes, ma'am, monkeys can pee horizontally.  I know, I didn't know either.  And, sure, therapy sounds good.") And I look forward to the look of disappointment in Noah's teacher's eyes when she asks what's up with taking him to places like Adult World and mommy collapsing on the couch with a bottle of whiskey at 7 p.m.

Totally kidding on that last part.

That's how rumors get started, you know.