Roses Are Red...And Too Darn Expensive!

Brian has been married long enough to know I don't like having flowers ordered for me. Even buying them at the store is kind of questionable.

This is weird, I acknowledge.

I love flowers...love, love, love them. Fresh flowers brighten up a home so much. But, paying for those fresh flowers is not worth it to me. Reason tells me that money could be put into something that is going to be with you more than four days. I happen to like reason.

So, 13 years into this, I get flowers occasionally, but not enough times to make me worry about our bank balance over them.

Tonight, Noah ran to the store with Brian to get some chili and s'more ingredients. As they passed the flowers, Noah excitedly said, "Oooh, Daddy! I want to buy some flowers for Mommy!"

(Noah gets so excited anytime he finds a flower for me. On our walks, he can usually spot a dandelion or two and he totally delights in surprising me with them. It's those kinds of flowers any Mommy loves best.)

Brian hesitated, trying to decide how to break the news of his Mommy's abnormal resistance to receiving flowers to him gently. He then looked up to lock eyes with a woman smiling and nodding to tell him that, yes, he was indeed going to make it home with flowers tonight. Or risk looking like a jerk in front of her. Still, he stayed strong and told Noah, "No, buddy, not tonight."

But as they walked off, Brian said he felt like an ogre and changed his mind. So, Noah happily walked alongside the floral selection and sniffed until he found the perfect bouquet.

He sniffed to find what he deemed the most fragrant ones. I think that is sweet.

And I do think he found the perfect bunch.


Really, what's a few dollars when you get such tangible thoughtfulness? I can look at these for at least four days and be reminded Noah loves me. And his Daddy does, too. There will come a day when our boy is more worried about getting flowers for another girl. So, I'll take them while I can.

Sometimes you've just gotta be a little unreasonable.

And, anyway, this girl Noah meets might turn out to be the kind of girl who likes getting flowers that aren't of the yard picked dandelion variety.

Reason tells me this is good practice.

Work With Me

Hey Barkley, remember that time I vacuumed your fur off our couch? Remember how I painstakingly ran that Dirt Devil over and over our couch, carefully going over each crease to remove all bits of you from it? Remember how I laid your cozy bed next to the couch so you could still be near us? Remember that?

As in, an hour ago?

Apparently not.

$7 for South Africa

A.P. English was my favorite subject in high school. I loved digging deeper and finding meaning behind an author's words. The characters took on greater depth when there was symbolism and meaning behind the words used. The challenge of interpretation and not just reading for pleasure made books come more alive for me.

I am so much better at interpreting words than art, it seems.

I still love symbolism today, but I'll explain more later.

In January, I will return to South Africa for the third time.

Okay, let me rephrase that...

In JaNuArY (84 days!), I wIll (hip hip hooray!) ReTuRn tO (fist bump!) SOUTH AFRICAAAAAAAAA (glory be!) fOr ThE tHiRd TiMe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(turning cartwheels)

There is no way to describe how excited I am at this unexpected trip, so I hope the obnoxious overuse of exclamation points, capitalization and colors conveys some of it. When my plane landed back in Dallas last October, I really thought it would be the end of trips for me for awhile. We had hoped to have a third child by now and I just figured it would be at least three years before I could go back to this country I love so much. I had settled it in my heart that it would be a long time.

A few weeks ago, Kim, who talked me into going on the first two trips with her, told me she was going back to SA. Later, she sent me details on an upcoming info meeting. I ignored the email, figuring I wasn't going back anytime soon anyway. Well, days after she sent that, I re-read her blog entry about going back to SA.

Which got me thinking.

And thinking is what got me to South Africa the first two times!

Darn Kim.

I pulled up the email I'd overlooked days before and re-read it, this time with some "what if" in my mind. As I read, something in me asked for some confirmation, just something to let me know if I was supposed to be on this trip.

SECONDS later, I got a pop up sound on my computer, signaling that someone wanted to chat with me on Facebook. I clicked over to FB, blown away to find that it was Kim trying to chat.

As far as I remember, Kim and I had NEVER chatted on FB before then. So, after all the "holy cows!" and "no stinkin' way(s)!," I finally got it all out to Kim that I had just asked God to help me figure out if I'm supposed to go in January and then I get a chat message from the very girl that convince me to go the first two times. Confirmation #1.

Now, Gideon and I are the kind that turn a skeptical eye to reading too much into "signs," except I don't have wool lying around, so it appears God had to hit me upside the head with a few more confirmations over the coming days...

1. I was hit with immediate opposition, which always comes when you're striving to follow God. Satan tries to work weaknesses and make us stumble so we doubt ourselves. But I see that opposition = confirmation.

2. Within days, Habakkuk 1:5 was presented to me twice within 24 hours (thanks to Ryan Pitts and Scott Rhoades). It deserves its own paragraph, it's so beautiful...

Look at the nations and watch—and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.

Now how often does Habakkuk come up in everyday circumstances? Confirmation x 2 in 24 hours = powerful stuff.

3. I read Jenny Simmons' blog (of Addison Road) because 1) we went to church together in high school and 2) her writing pretty much rocks my socks. She recently wrote about a girl who graduated from high school and then up and moved to Uganda to serve and love on as many children as she can. The girl feeds hundreds of starving, malnourished kids. In Jenny's blog, she wrote, "Just go, Jenny." If you go back and read Kim's blog entry, you will see why this phrase stuck out to me.

4. Noah was messing around on youtube. He likes to find Chipmunk or Dora versions of such musical highlights as 2 Legit To Quit and Crank Dat Soulja Boy. So, as he messed around, I suddenly heard a familiar tune I hadn't heard in a long time. As the notes played out, I realized it was Rhianna's Take A Bow. I got chills as the song took me back to a week last October when a 3rd grade South African girl serenaded me with that song over and over. And, let me tell Rhianna, she has some tough competition in that little girl. Who knew God could speak through R&B? It is 2009 after all.

5. I have until the end of this month to raise $2100 for my trip. I have received, with such blessing, $475 from friends who gave simply when I mentioned I was going back. Again, confirmation.

That leaves $1625 to go and I am not at all daunted. I'm actually kind of excited! Weird, I know.

Which leads me to a segue. And some symbolism.

Because I know this is a hard time for many and because I know many of you are already giving to things you believe in, I want to do something different with my fundraising this time. I think I'll have no trouble reaching $1625 if you and most of my FB friends find that you have $7 you could spare. $7 at a time will get me to South Africa and her people I love and I would really be grateful for your help.

I chose the #7 because numbers have meaning in the Bible. Seven is representative of completion. God made the world in 7 days. I believe God will bring this aspect of my trip to completion by November 1st, when all payment is due.

Trip details: We will be at Fort White, helping local missionaries establish relationships. We will hold VBS for the kids and do some construction around the grounds. The trip is January 1-11. We are hoping to raise $500 to help build a playground as well.

So, friends, I'm asking for a couple of things. If you have $7 to help me get back to Africa, you can send your tax deductible gift to FBC McKinney at 1615 W. Louisiana Street in McKinney, TX (75069). Checks can be made out to FBC McKinney but please be sure to somehow indicate in the envelope that it is for my trip.

Oh, they are going to love me in that finance office with these $7 checks coming in!

In addition, I would love your prayers for our team and for the beautiful people we will meet. Among other things, a few of us have young kids at home. It is never easy to leave people you love for ten days. It is even harder to leave little children who don't quite get why Mommy is flying across the ocean to take care of kids there. Please pray for our kiddos and the people loving on them while we are gone.

Honestly, I thank you that I can even come to you with excitement over something like this and a request like this.

Friends, get ready...look at the nations and watch - you and I are going to be utterly amazed!

P.S. INCIDENTALLY, another number that has meaning in the Bible is 70. It happens to symbolize God's heart for the nations. The NATIONS - how cool is that?!

So, if you've got $70 lying around...

Kidding, of course.

Unless you do.

the Root of all Evil = MATH

Isn't that in the Bible? Or something like that.

Last night, Noah used big, confusing words like "parallelogram, a rhombus is a slanted square, a pentagon has five sides, a hexagon has six and an octagon has eight."

Noah is in preschool. Preschool, people.

I'm beginning to worry I won't be able to help him with homework beyond third grade. Did I even know how to spell my name when I went to kindergarten? There was certainly no talk of rhombus' or hexagons when I was five.

Thank goodness Brian taught math for eight years!

Wait...is that right?

2 years at Anna Middle School
+ 2 years at Faubion Middle School
+ 2 years at Van Alstyne High School
+ 2 years at Boyd
8 years

Whew! At least simple addition hasn't left me!

Wait, they do still teach that through first grade, don't they?

A Day in the Life of Me

The boys all woke up with various icky symptoms today, so they stayed home while I ran to a parenting class at church. Got home to hear Noah enthusiastically announce he had checked the weather. As in weather.com. As in he located it on the internet. He even entered the zip code by himself, which he located on an envelope when he got two of the numbers swapped in his memory. Mr. Al Roker wannabe told me it was going to rain a lot, probably all week. Good to know we'll be hauling around umbrellas and sporting rainboots for the week.

Also good to know A&M has a very good meterology program as it appears we're raising a weather nerd buff.

Later, Tyler was standing about five feet from me. I asked if he had a hug for me. He said, "Yes. Right here," and he stretched his arms out wide to the side. I asked if I could please have it and he said I had to get up and come get it. Good to know I'll have to earn my hugs from here on out.

Also good to know he's learned the value of playing hard to get.

These two fascinate me with their way of thinking. Good to know I get to keep them around for 18 years.

I Will Remember You

This one is for me.

And for him or her.

I met my first nephew today, Caleb Olsen. We drove to east Texas last night after Brian's sister-in-law went into early labor and had an emergency c-section. The boys were so excited to meet Caleb, play with cousin Anna and be with their Nana and Paco.

Oh, and the news that they would get to stay in a hotel overnight was total icing on the cake. In any of our vactions, it would be no exaggeration to say that hotel stays are what make the vacation for them. In fact, when I announced our spur of the moment trip to Tyler as I rushed to pack, I decided it would be easier to initially tell him we were heading east to stay in a hotel than it would be to explain what "being born" means.

Lord help me when I try to figure out how to deliver the birds and the bees talk someday.

The hotel was all they dreamed it would be. At least, until Noah mistook the fire alarm for our door knob in the dark hallway and accidentally set it off around midnight. I'm pretty sure he'll never again make that mistake, given that his little body shook and his voice quivered the entire forever it sounded off.

Poor Tyler. His understanding of "being born" now includes a frazzled woman frantically running around the house to pack, a long drive, fire alarms and staying up way past his 8:00 bedtime. Let's hope it's not actually like that when his children are being born someday.

It's an understatement to say we were excited to meet Caleb. A baby is always a reason to celebrate, but especially when it's your niece or nephew! Can I tell you how awesome it's going to be to hear myself called, "Aunt Jen" for the first time?!

Logically, I knew our 11 p.m. arrival would be too late to make the stop at the hospital on the way into town, but it still was disappointing when we realized it would be morning before we could see him. We all got ants in our pants waiting for 11 a.m. this morning, when we met up with Brian's family to go to the hospital. And while we had been warned that little kids (other than siblings) could not go into the mommy ward, I am so thankful for my brother-in-law's thoughtfulness (and lawlessness) in sneaking our boys in to see their cousin anyway. I've since learned you can carry any number of kids back into the mommy ward if you just act like they belong to you and also avoid all eye contact with anyone at the nurses' station as you smuggle them inside.

All that illegal migration of undocumented "siblings" was worth it. It was so special to see this bunch together...

Caleb is totally precious. Skin so perfect and countenance so sweet. He's so chilled out and I am so thrilled for my niece, his big sister, Anna. So. Thrilled. I have a little brother and he is one of my best friends. How can you top having a brother that loves you as you are, is forgiving and forgetting of your uglies and who would do anything for you, whether that be risking his life to protect you or eating the veggies you can't seem to get off your plate? Scott hasn't done the first, unless being a soldier counts...which I think it does. But, the veggie thing was an actual event. Being eight is so much easier when you have a little brother who will help you eat your veggies so you can be excused from the dinner table.

Because Brian and I were blessed with rockstar brothers, I can't wait for Anna to experience how very cool they can be. Once she gets past the "why is my Mommy holding that little thing and when is he leaving" stage, that is! She was so cute in how leery she was in meeting Caleb. I remember how slowly Noah took it all in those first few minutes. I know that Anna will warm up to her little brother in no time, just as Noah did.

In short, I love my little nephew and think he was born into a pretty wonderful family. It is such a joy and a blessing that we could be there to witness the beginning of Caleb's story.

We love you, Caleb, and we are so glad you are in our family!

Now...

I have gone back and forth about whether to include the rest of this because nothing in me wants to take anything away from this incredible time.

And even though I wasn't completely honest about my feelings with people I love today, I feel like I need to be honest here.

Today was a little hard for me, given that Katie and I were just three weeks apart in our due dates. When we got the news that Katie was in labor yesterday, I was surprised at how raw my heart still is over the baby we lost. I was not able to restrain my tears when I got the news. I felt both surprised and guilty. How could I be sad at at time like this?

Meeting Caleb today, so many emotions rushed over me...absolute awe at what God created, absolute joy over his life, absolute respect for his parents whom I know will raise him well, absolute excitement for Anna and her sibling...

And absolute grief that my arms will not hold our own little newborn in three weeks.

Grief that had to be held in check when I first held Caleb. Grief that I couldn't show when we walked out of the hospital and as we ate lunch with Brian's family.

What has been building up all day finally releases.

I write this because I want to remember what joy this day held. I do love this little boy called Caleb.

But, I also write this for someone else I love. Some little boy or girl I don't want to be forgotten.

I hope that all who read this will see my heart or will forgive me if they don't. I am thrilled about Caleb's arrival and how beautiful it is, this new family of four. I am sad because I can't help but think of the little baby I lost.

Somehow, I think it's okay that those opposing feelings exist in my heart and that it is okay to simultaneously be happy for someone and sad about someone else.

So, God, I trust that you will do something with this someday. I know you hold the bigger picture behind my two miscarriages and I ask, even if I never see that bigger picture, that your peace will pour over and be evident in me. I hope you get so much glory from this.

And, please, God, hold my two little treasures in heaven extra tight for me tonight.

Thanks, God. I love you.

His Imagination

I just love little kids' imagination. They have such a fun way of looking at the world. It's so hilarious to hear their thoughts and watch them figure this world out.


Sunday, Tyler and Zachary B. were in Sunday school class together. The teacher was not there yet, so some of the parents waited with their kids. Brian suddenly heard Zach's mom laugh and asked her what happened.


It seems as if the boys had turned their blocks into guns. They made "pyu pyu" sounds as they pretended to shoot each other. Zachary threatened, "My gun has ANTS in it!"


To which Tyler retorted, "My gun has spiders and HOT SAUCE in it!"


Hot sauce. Si. Indeed a weapon of mass destruction. It's wreaked havoc on my intestines a time or two. I don't know where Iran is getting its enriched uranium, but if that runs out, I suppose they could always make a run for the border and get themselves some hot sauce.