Saddle Up Your Horses, We've Got A Trail To Blaze

Confession time.

I thought an all expenses paid horseback riding, mountain biking vacation mission trip to YoungLife camp in Fraser, CO sounded pretty dang sweet worthwhile. I love to ride horses and wish I could go every week serve others.

All I had to do was swim with some kids in the mountain lake, go mountain biking with them, take them through a ropes course in the mountains and ride some horses through the glorious aspen-filled mountain woods.

(Did I mention I'd be in the mountains? Far away from July in Texas? Oh, the sacrifice to be a servant of the Lord.)

Oh, and I was there to show them some Jesus love, too. Of course. I was going to love them so well, they'd love me and we'd all love Jesus together. It was going to rock.

What I didn't expect was how hard it would be to reach these teenagers like I wanted to. To really get into their hearts and be girlfriends right off the bat. I didn't expect that "Love" would not be at the top of my list of feelings the first couple of days.

I didn't know how hard it would be to break through cliques formed over years of schooling. Suddenly, I had a very real appreciation for every youth worker who ever volunteered their time to be with me. Because teenage attitude = two and a half day headache. Or maybe that was just the altitude sickness, but whatever. Attitude sickness and altitude sickness, same difference. Both lead to headaches.

I didn't know that I would have to initiate nearly every conversation or risk not being heard at all.

What I didn't know was that, even at 31 years old, it still stings when a girl from your cabin hands you her camera so, you know, you could take a group photo. I took a lot of those "group" photos where every member of my cabin was pictured except me.

Remember not being first chosen for dodgeball at recess? I was reminded of that rejected feeling every mealtime when the girls would rush in and make a beeline for my co-counselor's table instead of mine. Which made sense - she'd just graduated and had spent the last year with our girls. She was able to connect with them in a way I could not and I was still thankful at least one of us could. I didn't really mind except that it made it extra challenging to have meaningful conversation and get to know them.

And even though my experience has taught me not to take rejections like those personally, I still was in awe at what came across as a lack of sensitivity and lack of consideration.

A couple days into the trip, I realized there was another counselor facing the same challenge. She is in her late 20's and also struggled to connect with girls half our age. So, we decided that we'd meet every morning to pray and encourage each other. We'd thank God for those girls that did seem to want to spend time with us. There were definitely some of those and I'm thankful. We'd ask God to help us connect with the girls that were harder to reach because it was clear we weren't going to do it on our own abilities. We'd ask God to grow our compassion for them, to help us love them where they were.

And God was faithful.

Because, by night three, I no longer had to struggle to love and want to be around them.

A friend who works with teens had told me that I'd be amazed at how quickly teens let you into their heart and how much you grow to love them.

He was so right.

It's amazing how much one night of open discussion and brokenness revealed can change relationships. It's amazing how much your compassion grows when you see where someone's coming from. We live in an affluent town and, on the outside, many of these kids look like they have it together. They are involved in extracurricular activities and athletics, often at the top of their game. Their hair and nails are all well placed and well manicured. Their clothes are all name brand. Their parents provide financial security and some live in enormous, beautiful homes.

But, behind those ornate doors of their homes, there sometimes lurks a different reality. Stories of broken marriages, kids competing with their siblings, parents who expect near perfection and the usual girl struggles with feeling beautiful or wanted...these poured out during our our nightly cabin talks. And with those stories came real tears. And with those tears, I found compassion.

And, suddenly, it wasn't so hard to love these things called teens.

Day Two of camp, I'd never have guessed I could continue being with these teens beyond the week in Colorado. It really was that frustrating, discouraging and challenging. It was way harder than trying to catch my breath on that dadgum muddy mountain biking trek (horseback riding was sooo much more pleasant and so much easier to breathe through). Those dang attitudes and altitudes.

But, given answered prayers and just doing life together that week, I now find myself agreeing to be their YoungLife counselor this next year of their life. And, while I'm a little overwhelmed with how the time commitment will work out, I'm no longer afraid of whether I'll be able to love these girls.

I am going to do my best to love them well, not because I am some kind of awesome, but because Jesus loves them and me perfectly. And I don't see any need to stop asking Him to grow my compassion and help me love them where they are. He has proven faithful.

It is going to rock.